You can do anything, but not everything

I'm the kind of person who likes to change my wallpaper on my phone and on my computer very frequently. I change it for different holidays, when seasons change, and just when I feel like it.

Recently I discovered Design Love Fest and the awesome Dress Your Tech posts Bri has. If you're anything like me (girly, modern-ish, glass-half-full) and like to change your backgrounds often, your search for the perfect design blog to find backgrounds is over. I seriously downloaded probably half of the images she has in the Dress Your Tech series. I am not kidding.

I don't have my phone set to use the iCloud at all, so I wasn't able to use one of the awesome new backgrounds on my phone until just a few days ago when I finally plugged it into my computer. And then I didn't even think about changing the background until today. As I was looking through all my new downloads I saw this gem.

Dress Your Tech 31

I have had a very stressful week (just ask my face and her awesome breakout) and seeing this made me just take a breath and remind myself that "I can do this!" "This" being getting a project done for my Techniques of Counseling class, and even more-so, passing the TExES exam to become a certified early childhood-6th grade teacher. I signed up for my test on the ETS website about a month ago, but didn't find good study material until this Monday and my test is tomorrow (Friday). In order to get all my studying done, I've had to commandeer the living room in such a way that Thomas has had to wear headphones almost constantly or just leave to go to a friends house (because I cannot study with noise around me). I feel pretty good about it now since I took over the house all day Tuesday and Wednesday. I still have Mount Vesuvius on my cheek, though.

Besides feeling like spring break came way too late in the semester, leaving me no time to get everything done before my finals on April 21st and 24th, I also have recently been remembering this time last year. I was still anxiously awaiting letters from grad schools that I knew I wouldn't get into and was a little lost. I soon found the school counseling program at LCU and became infatuated. I got into school here in Lubbock and settled into my new future. I was adamant with anyone that asked that I was okay with the fact that I would no longer be doing speech pathology (something I'd wanted to do for 10 years before changing course). Now that I am reminiscing on what was going on last spring, though, I am kind of mourning the future I could have had if I had gotten into a speech pathology grad program. I really love my counseling classes, and am very eager to begin my career as a school counselor, but I also miss that I was going to wear scrubs every day and that I was going to help kids' speech and language every day, specifically working with kids on the spectrum or with hearing loss. I still think communication is amazing and I love learning about it, but I can't do everything. I can't be a counselor and a speech therapist. And I'm learning to be truly okay with that. 

blogLOVEin

I'm just here to claim my blog on Bloglovin!

I'm excited to start using this service and finding all the posts from the bloggers I follow in one place instead of having five million bookmarks! Go check it out if you haven't yet!

Peter Pan, Wendy, and Angela Montenegro

It's been a long long while since I wrote anything down here, but I am having a hard time forgetting a Peter Pan quote recently and thought I would put some words down about it here. If you have ever read the book by J. M. Barrie, you know that Disney followed it pretty well and that it really is a great coming-of-age story for anyone who is in the process of realizing that they don't get to be a little kid forever.



There are many memorable lines from the story, but my favorite passage has to be the first paragraph:

All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they must grow up and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, "Oh, why can't you remain like this forever!" This is all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end.

It is a great lead-in for a book. It tells you that Wendy is going to have to learn to grow up before the end of the story, but it also tells you that there will be a character who does not ever learn to grow up. It's somewhat mysterious if someone has never heard the story of Peter Pan before.



Besides this quote, there is also the whole idea of the story to keep in mind - everyone must grow up, but the memories we make as children can stay with us forever, and we should never forget our childlike innocence. Knowing how much of a jerk the character of Peter is also really helps reinforce the idea that people want to grow up, because no one wants to end up like Peter. He is very selfish and doesn't even remember ever having a mother! I don't know about you, but I love my mom to pieces and I would never give up that relationship, even if it meant never having to grow up. Wendy understands this (as well as the "don't forget your childhood" thing I mentioned earlier) and allows her children to fly off to Neverland with Peter when the time comes, but she has taught and loved her children well so that they want to come back home every time they fly off. They, too, grow up.

So this quote is scrolling through my mind frequently and then Boyfriend and I were watching an old episode of Bones last night. In it, Angela Montenegro, the artist of the group, is broken up with by her girlfriend Roxie because she needs someone to plan a future with, whereas Angela really loves to live in the moment. A lot of times, this blog is all about living in the moment, so at first I'm with Angela asking "what's wrong with living in the moment?" And Hodgins (the "bugs and slime" character) leads Angela to the answer: part of being in relationships with people (platonic and romantic), is planning for the future. The present cannot be as sweet without the promise of more to come. For Peter Pan, he does not look toward the future, but lives in the moment completely and life is just not as sweet for him. He has to make chaos frequently to get any enjoyment out of life. When something doesn't go his way, he gets irrationally upset banishing people (and pixies!) and isolating himself. The children who grow up, though, know that there are always new adventures in life and look forward to the newness of them and facing them when they are ready, oftentimes with people they love.

I kind of feel this way about living with zeal, too. It is important to live in the moment and truly experience everything that's happening, but looking forward to the future is okay, too! And planning for the future zealously can be just as rewarding as experiencing the now.  There's always something to look forward to, and though there are times when it is tough to see, knowing there's a silver lining full of new adventures to come can be just what I need to get through the tough times.

AtZ loves Oklahoma

I always pictured myself living in Texas for the rest of my life. I thought I'd go to college in Texas, get a job in Texas, get married in Texas, raise my kids in Texas, retire to Texas. I never imagined myself ending up in Oklahoma for any amount of time. You know how people talk about Arkansas like it's this incestuous, hillbilly, crazy-filled state? Texans kinda feel that way about Oklahoma, also, if they haven't lived there; haven't met the people there. And then I did both of those things. And it has changed me.

Oklahoma is where I learned to appreciate life. It's where I decided to live zealously and pursue happiness in all things. Oklahomans became my family. I relied on them when I was sad, happy, broken, homesick, needed to share my life with someone. Oklahoma was my home for the past 4 years of my life. This state and its people have forever ingrained itself into me; it's a part of who I am.

A part of who I am was torn apart yesterday. It is leveled. It is littered. It is dead. I know there are people who are grieving, feeling like there can be no reason to continue pursuing life. It would be easy to give up on trying to find joy in all of the destruction.

But, part of my thoughts on being zealous includes the pursuit to feel fully. It can be terrible, and it can be destructive if there is a lack of a support system, but fully feeling this grief and this hurt is what is going to make me remember to fully feel and experience the joy that life has to offer. I will remember the lives lost, and honor that by living my life as hard as I can; by being passionate and zealous to continue experiencing all that this beautiful life have to offer.

A part of who I am was brought together yesterday, as it has had to do far too many times in the past. This state knows pain, but it also knows support, love, and faith. If there was ever a state who could handle trauma, it's Oklahoma. It is strong. It is healing. It is alive.



All my love, prayers, and support go to my home away from home. Thanks for letting me be one of you for the past four years. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Prayers are Liquid Luck

"Don't forget that you are not going through your sorrow alone. God is there. He hears you. He knows what you are facing day in and day out. He WILL bring you joy and you will rejoice! NO ONE can rob you of the pure joy that God can and will bring. Amen!"

A friend of mine on facebook posted this this morning after posting this verse:

     "So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy."

John 16:22

and I immediately felt like I needed to say something about it.

I am of the persuasion that God doesn't interact with us on a day-to-day basis. Don't get me wrong, I believe He hears our prayers and does something about them if it's necessary, but I feel like God is a sort of mama bird who has taught us how to fly, and for the most part, He let's us figure things out on our own. Prayers are a sort of self fulfilling prophecy in a way that we pray for what we want, or feel like we need, and then praying gives us the confidence that God is going to do something about it, when in reality, we make it happen ourselves.

It's like Ron Weasley and the Liquid Luck in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Harry tricks Ron into thinking he's had some of the potion, so Ron feels like he can do anything and wins the Quidditch match for Gryffindor, when in actuality, Ron makes that happen all with his own skills.

Prayers are Liquid Luck.

Now, back to the verse and the comment my friend made about it.

We are not going through our sorrow alone. . . because God has provided friends for us to lean on.
God is there; He does hear you.
He is omnipresent, so yeah, He knows what you face daily.
This is where we disagree, though. I don't believe that God reaches down and removes you from the hard situation; nor does He come down and whisper encouragement in your ear. But, God did come down as a human and subsequently die for us. Remembering that someone so powerful loves me so much is what gives me the strength to get through tough times (strength=confidence, God's love [and praying to Him because we believe in that love]=Liquid Luck). And it's what keeps me joyous always. Like this verse, "and no one can rob you of that joy," no situation or person can rob me of the joy I feel because of His love for me. Therefore, it is my daily intention to show God's love and light to others by being joyful in all things; to me, that is how God is with us and supports us on a daily basis - by giving us other people to experience life and share joy with. So that's what I try to do. 
Pray for joy, and it will be "given," and then go and zealously seek out others to share that joy with.

How not to check the mail six times a day

Take a break! In beautiful spring weather!

In my last post I discussed all the waiting I'm doing right now and how stressful that can be. And how hard it can be to look on the bright side of it, as I so often try to do. A couple days ago, though, my sister brought in the mail and I realized that I don't have to worry about it. For a whole week I don't have to worry about what I'm going to find in my mailbox! It was such a relief when I figured this out.

For the whole past week, I've been complaining to Boyfriend about how awful my spring break was going to be. His was the week before mine - as were the spring breaks of all my friends from high school. I literally had 43 hours to spend with my best friends and Boyfriend before they had to leave to go back to school. It is really nice to know that I'm out of school right now, and other people had to go back after their break, but I would much rather have been able to make beach plans with all my friends than be able to brag that I'm not in school, but they are, and when I go back, I have 5 weeks and then finals before I graduate. They have a bit more than that. At least a week more.

I was complaining, both inwardly and outwardly, about this, until Saturday. And now I am thrilled to have a week where I can not do anything, not have to try to make sure that everyone around me is entertained, and best of all, NOT CHECK THE MAIL SIX TIMES A DAY!!!!

I have a feeling that all three of my letters from grad schools will be waiting for me when I arrive back in Stillwater, USA, but for now, I'm not going to worry about it at all. I can enjoy the last spring break of my undergrad relaxing and having some me time without angsting out about what I'm going to be doing in 6 weeks. Or in the fall. Even if most of the day is spent hearing screaming babies. I can handle that.

Here's to #SB2K13! I hope you had, are having, or will have a great one! :]

On optimism and waiting

By the beginning of February, I had finished and submitted all of my graduate school applications. I was pretty pleased with myself for getting it done, but now came the time of waiting.

I literally check the mail upwards of three times a day. I open the mailbox frequently to see an empty, metal box. Sometimes I open it to retrieve one envelope - a bill most times. It is never an acceptance (or rejection) letter.

I just want to knoooowww!

I am trying to remain optimistic. I remind myself that I only have a little bit of time left in my undergrad so that I am conscious of making memories in the last two months.

And then I think "only 53 days until I graduate?!" I can't believe that these past four years are coming to an end. It's crazy. I feel like I haven't even been here for a year. I could swear my parents left me here at school only last September. And I want more time in this place.

At the same time, though, I'm ready to be done with this chapter of my life. I'm ready to start studying only things pertaining to my future career and be with like-minded people. I'm ready to learn how to do what I want to do with my life and start applying that knowledge to clients.

I'm ready to start showing people I care about them, and seeking them out with zeal, by helping them communicate. As one of the most important things we, as humans, can do, the ability to share ideas has to be in each of us, and I feel so passionately about giving someone the power that words can hold. I'm just ready to get started.

But for now, I must wait. And see that this part of my life is happening for a reason, too - without it, I wouldn't be able to move on to the next part.

As much as I hate all this waiting, I try to enjoy the fact that not knowing, means not stressing about my future if I don't get in anywhere. It means another day of looking forward to a bright future. Less time spent worried about the student loans that I'm going to have to take out.

And I enjoy thinking for just a moment that I am not going to have to leave this place that I've begun to think of as home. That I won't have to leave my friends behind, just wishing them luck with their senior, junior, and sophomore years of college.

I am going to cry like a baby come May 4. At least I can have people telling me "may the fourth (force) be with you" to keep me strong come graduation.

Wonderment

I am a student leader for Freshman Family Groups at the Wesley Foundation at OSU. This small group of freshman, 3 student leaders, and 2 Wesley staffpeople get together every week to have a small "lesson" or discussion, play a game, and just enjoy each others' company.

This semester, we decided to have a theme (for at least a little while). It is not officially "wonderment," but it's the same idea of seeing beauty and awe in both small and large things. Last week started with one of the staff, we'll call him A, telling a story of something that happened at the Passion conference in Atlanta last month. This conference is no small feat in general (more than 60,000 18-25 year olds were in attendance at the Georgia Dome), but what Jimmy John's did one day was close to magnificent: sandwiches for all 60,000 people delivered to each person in just 26 minutes. Everyone was amazed. When A mentioned this story, I immediately imagined the feeding of the 5000.

The next day, Jimmy John's was there and completed the task in incredible time again. This day, though, no one seemed amazed anymore. It wasn't new and shiny - it had already become "normal." Our goal with the freshman (and ourselves, to be honest) is to notice these moments of wonder and continue finding them, well, wonderful.

I am reminded of this message every time I take out the telescope I received as a Christmas present from Boyfriend. I could look through it every day and still be completely enthralled with looking at stars, the moon, and planets. Yes, planets! Tonight was the first night that I was awake late enough to see Saturn! Even the simplest of telescopes (and even some really good binoculars) will show you Saturn, its rings, and some of its moons. It was so awesome. I can't wait to do it again. The universe is full of wonder. It's important to remember that.

Love and Other Drugs

Today, I stumbled upon an article that I found to be really interesting. Though the headline is a little harsh ("There's no such thing as everlasting love..."), the premise of the research the article is relaying is completely understandable and valid. Scientific love is a "micro-moment of positivity resonance" rather than long lasting emotions. I was just yesterday explaining the neurotransmitter oxytocin to my boyfriend in a similar manner - that it's the "love and cuddle" hormone and is released when you have an emotional connection to someone; anyone.

I think the best part of the article is the fact that this research is being done to dispel the current cultural "love myth." From the article,

"Part of Frederickson's project is to lower cultural expectations about love--expectations that are so misguidedly high today that they have inflated love into something that it isn't, and into something that no sane person could actually experience"

This research is doing something wonderful by showing us that love doesn't have to be romantic, familial, or even friendly; you can love any person you pass on the sidewalk going to class or sit next to on the bus. Making an emotional connection with someone through something as simple as saying "bless you" when a stranger sneezes or just making eye contact with someone can cause the oxytocin levels in both of you to raise in sync and in turn make your body better at having more of these little moments, which helps your long-term health!

Ah! It's just awesome that there's real research to prove that my goals of sharing life with everyone and loving people all the time are valid goals that most people should set for their own health benefits. I'm not saying to go love on someone for your own selfish gain, but it's nice to know that you're getting something out of it too. And to know that I am legitimately helping other people experience love is a wonderful reward!
I think the author of the article put it best when she writes,

"Lonely people who are looking for love are making a mistake if they are sitting around and waiting for love in the form of the 'love myth' to take hold of them. If they instead sought out love in little moments of connection that we all experience many times a day, perhaps their loneliness would begin to subside."

I just think it's a beautiful sentiment and a great reminder to take advantage of those moments; to seek them out zealously and make someone's day by doing so - and lower both participants' "risk of inflammation, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and stroke!"

Take the time to make the little things count in this season of love.

Um, Wow!

Guys. I'm a second-semester senior. In college. When in the world did this happen?! Yesterday, I drove down to Edmond for a Silent Breakfast at a Panera Bread there. One of the middle schools in the city has a pretty new ASL Club whose teacher/sponsor/leader is a friend from OSU ASL, and she brought her students to breakfast as their first ever Silent Event. Talking to them made me remember what I was like as a 6th, 7th, and 8th grader. One of the 6th grade girls was half as old as I am-literally. She's 11! I just am amazed at how far I've come and how far they still have to go in their lives. It's humbling and absolutely incredible.

Remembering that I was once very similar to those young girls, taking everything personally and trying so hard to fit in, I wished that I had always thought the way that I do now - that every day should be filled with joy, and love, and not taken for granted; that you shouldn't sweat the small stuff; that it does get better, and the things that seem like big things now will be miniscule hilarities to look back on when you get older. I have truly reread note passed between friends and I form when I was 13 and 14 and shook my head and laughed at how utterly ridiculous we are as teenagers.

But you don't feel ridiculous when it's happening. And I guess that's part of the growing up process is going through that time of feeling like all eyes are constantly on you; working to fit in and then realizing as you get older that it just doesn't matter that much - that you're a good person, and people should get to know you in order to see that instead of judging based off of your clothes, or hair, or interests. I kind of feel bad for what these girls will soon be going through as high schoolers, learning the tough lessons of finding true friendship, heartache, anxiety for getting into college, knowing what they want to do with their lives, and pleasing their friends, teachers, and parents with all of those choices. It's making my heart beat faster just typing about it, and I've already lived through it!

It just reminds me to be thankful that I never experienced anything incredibly terrible while I was a teenager, and makes me want to think of them and pray for them to learn what I have in the easiest way possible, rather than a tough and painful way. And maybe share through actions that life is best served with a smile, shared with a friend, and never taken for granted.

Unconditional Love: Thoughts While Taking a Study Break

As a study break today, I went through Netflix and stumbled upon a section of bridal shows. One called Bridalplasty, which I'd seen a couple episodes of before, was on there and I thought, 'why not watch a trashy show for this break?' Oh my gosh, y'all. This is worse than shows like Teen Mom and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. The premise of this show is for 12 engaged women to compete for plastic surgeries leading up to their wedding. The winner gets a full-body makeover and a celebrity style wedding and honeymoon; said wedding is the first time that the fiance will see his new, plastic bride.

Watching this show is just so eye-opening to how great my parents are. I have grown up knowing that not only am I beautiful, but I am worth more than looks. Perhaps other people would disagree with me thinking I'm attractive, but at least I was given the ability to have that confidence in myself. These women apparently did not get that opportunity...

And then I was thinking, what if someone is pretty, but not so smart or talented elsewhere? Or what if they're really smart, but aren't necessarily attractive? So I realized, it's one of those issues where if you say one thing is good, it demeans all the other things. And really, neither of those things are important. It is great if you have a good brain and/or good looks, but I think the most important thing is to just love other people. If you love someone and make them feel worth it, then it doesn't matter what else they can do.

Loving unconditionally is definitely part of living zealously. Enthusiastically seek out people to love, and care about them for who they are right now, not what they can do for you or who they have been or will become. Love them simply because they exist and make sure that everyone you meet knows that they are worth it and that they don't need to go to the extremes that the women on this show are going to just to feel good about themselves. No one should have to have surgery in order to feel like they can face the world--if you love them anyway, if they are not conventionally attractive or not very book-smart, and you love them anyway, then they will be facing the world confidently, and with a confidant by their side.

If you need a person to do that for you, tell me, and I will legitimately give you the encouragement that you need every day. And if no one asks for it, then random people are going to be getting those encouraging words anyway, and I challenge you to do the same. Especially in this holiday season of giving, I would urge you to give out at least three uplifting comments everyday until the new year (and maybe continue doing so after that :] ). Not just physical compliments on clothes and such either, but also encouragement in people's studies during finals or doing a random act of kindness by helping someone pay for Christmas dinner. There are so many easy ways to lift people up and let them know that you care about them and they matter, so go and zealously seek out those opportunities!

What amazing realizations from watching this crazy show. Thanks Netflix!

Recipe: Peanut Brittle

For as long as I can remember (and even before that, actually), Christmas for me has not smelled of cinnamon and evergreen as it has with other people, but of sweet, buttery, nutty peanut brittle. Ever since I was small, I've stood in the kitchen with my mom watching, stirring sometimes, and always smelling as she made this sweet treat. Today, I'm sharing with you this perfect recipe so you can start smelling it, too! :]

I will start by telling you that your house/apartment/whatever cannot be humid while making this. It makes it verrrry sticky and that is not what you want at all.

Nothing can be like my mom's, but, from the Texas Peanut Producers Board in Gorman, Texas, the Never Fail Peanut Brittle recipe (you can order the peanuts for this recipe from them and get a little recipe card like this with the box):

Can you tell it's been used a few times?

Ingredients:

• 2 cups of white sugar
• 1 cup of light corn syrup (the picture above specifies Karo, but my mom always says it's too thick (viscous), and momma's always right.
• 1/2 cup of water
• 3 cups of raw Spanish peanuts
• 3 teaspoons of butter or margarine
• 1 teaspoon of salt
• 2 teaspoons of baking soda

I love my sugar tin from Ikea!

I did not get Spanish peanuts :/ I could have sworn I saw some at Walmart the day before I went shopping for this, but the next day, even though I retraced my steps at least three times, I could not find them anywhere. I went to the baking aisle and found similar looking raw peanuts. I use margarine instead of real butter, and I just grabbed an off-brand of light corn syrup--it's called Griffin's, I believe--but it was also pretty thick like the Karo is.

I measured out the peanuts. The recipe calls for 3 cups (wayyyy too much), my mom uses 2, and I filled my measuring cup up to just below 2, and it was still a little too much peanut for me. If you like it to have a lot of nuts, put more in; if you like less, put in less-you really can't go wrong here.

Measure out the sugar and put it directly in your large pot. Mine is a 5 quart (I'm pretty sure) and it was plenty big. I think 4 quarts probably could have worked.

I measured the corn syrup and then the water in the same cup. I thought it looked fun. Go ahead and measure this now, but don't put it in the pot yet.

Baking soda beneath salt and butter on top. All in one little bowl. If you do it separately, the last step is going to be much more difficult.

Now that we have all the ingredients measured, pour the water and corn syrup in with the sugar and heat on high until a sugar thread spins. If you don't know what it looks like when sugar spins or how to look for it. . .I tried to find a video for you, but it only brings up spun sugar, which is different. There is "Aunt Merle's Peanut Brittle" which may help, but you can't see the spinning very well.

Anyway, the best way for me to describe it is that in the above picture, the sugar isn't completely dissolved, so the mixture is more opaque;

When your boiling mixture gets transparent, hold up the spoon with some of the mixture on it and watch the drips. You will see a thread spin from the spoon. My mom describes it as "a wisp from a spider web floating behind the spoon." If you don't see it, try again after about 20-30 seconds (stirring in between attempts). If you still don't see it, just look for the mixture to be fairly runny and completely transparent (aside from the bubbles which obscure that a little bit).

Add the peanuts. This is what it looks like raw.

And this is what it looks like when "golden brown." This is the point at which you should be smelling roasted peanuts. If you don't know what that smells like, I would suggest paying close attention to how it smells throughout cooking, and when it smells different, it's probably roasted. Because of how my mom makes it (sets a timer for 16 minutes, adds the nuts around 11.5 minutes left, it's ready to pour around 2 minutes left), I thought it would take much longer and almost burned mine (silly electric stove causing problems for me), so really go by the smell and don't question it if you think it's ready.

Remove from heat and toss in the butter, salt, and soda (but not the bowl, which has happened to my mom before!). Stir stir stir until the butter melts and it's well mixed, and immediately pour into a baking sheet (one with high sides). Spread it a little bit. . .

And enjoy one of my favorite parts, the spoon! My sister, Raychel, and I would take turns getting the spoon when my mom was making multiple batches in a day. The little strings of sugar are the best part! Yummy sugar strings happen when the brittle starts to cool and sticks to one thing (generally the pot) and you pull it away. Yum!

Here is the brittle when it's still really hot. It's slightly lighter in color than when it sets.

And hours later when it was completely set (it shouldn't take more than 20-30 minutes to completely cool and harden, but I had to go to a class right after pouring it).

I used my hands to break it up. So crunchy and sticky!

All broken up.

My awesome new Christmas shirt and me with the spoon, now kind of a lollipop because it hardened as well.

Bag up the big pieces and store in the freezer until you can share with friends (or eat it for breakfast :P ).

Leave the smaller pieces in the pan for snacking on--every time you go in the kitchen.

To clean the spoon, pot, and cookie sheet, simply soak in hot water and the sugar will melt and dissolve for easy cleaning.

Enjoy my momma's recipe!

Hump Day

There are weeks when you really have to celebrate the little things, like making it past Wednesday. So far this semester, if I made it to Wednesday afternoon without completely freaking out, I knew I was going to make it through the week just fine and could look forward to the weekend. Yesterday morning, I woke up and one of my first thoughts was "It's Wednesday! I can get through today and then it's downhill from here!" I was so excited to have made it halfway. And today I feel awesome! I went to bed late last night, but once I forced myself out of my warm bed and dark bedroom I have been in a great mood and am even better now that I did a RAK (Random Act of Kindness) :]
We're also over the hump of being halfway through the semester. It's incredible that I have less than 24 weeks of undergraduate coursework left. It's truly unbelievable to me. I still feel like I'm 16 sometimes-though I'm terribly grateful that that isn't the case. 16-year-old me was kind of naive and somewhat annoying when I look back at notes I passed with friends and other similar artefacts.
Anyway, congratulations on making it halfway! The rest of the week should be smooth sailing :]

Cowboy football and pumpkin carving this weekend!

October

The first week of this month I was pretty focused on the fact that Thursday was the 4th. I got into my first serious relationship October 4, 2008. The very next day, my parents and I drove to Oklahoma to visit OSU for the first time. It didn't seem like such a big deal then, but looking back, if those two days were any different, my whole life right now would probably be completely altered.

Phi Mu/PIKE house dec at the greatest homecoming in the nation!

Somehow, in my crazy thought process, that gets me to living zealously. If you don't live zealously, enthusiastically, eagerly, how are you going to experience any life-altering events? If I wasn't eager to start a relationship or enthusiastic about continuing my education, it's possible that neither of the events of that October would have happened. I probably wouldn't have ended up at Oklahoma State. If I wasn't at OSU, I wouldn't have met all the amazing people here-I may have met other amazing people, but not the ones here that have become so important to me and served such a great purpose in my life. I may have gotten into a relationship, but it's doubtful it would have been very important to me. If I hadn't begun a serious relationship, I would not have ended said relationship last winter and wouldn't have had the crazy (for me) semester that I did this past spring. If that semester hadn't happened, I truly don't think that I could've been happy to be in a relationship right now. I wouldn't have had those experiences that I realized I was missing from my life during my past relationship.

At a bonfire near Yale, OK after the hoco game. I got to play a congo!

I think that if I had been unenthusiastic and very lackadaisical (I thought it was "laxadaisical,". . . Whatevs) about deciding where to go to school, I probably wouldn't have gone out of state, possibly not even out of the city I graduated high school in; I definitely wouldn't have been doing as well as I have in school. That would cause me to not get into grad school, which in turn would keep me from getting into the career that I want.

Edmon Low Library at Oklahoma State University

Guys, there are so many things that can go wrong and make your life different. I don't think that it could be like the Butterfly Effect-the cereal I decide to eat isn't going to change my entire life, but pretty much any decision that is bigger than that can change the course of everything.

Two very dear friends and I at last year's Bedlam game.

Be intentional with your daily life and be earnest in seeking the things that you are passionate about. If you aren't actively searching for those things, you will not get them. This is my sophisticated form of YOLO. You really do only live once-make it count.

Here's to many new Octobers and moments to make it count.

Out of Body

Have you ever taken a psychological test and had to answer a question about if you ever feel like you're out of your body or watching your life from the outside? I always thought that was a weird question until recently when I started feeling that way. Pretty much constantly. I'm just so exhausted all the time and I'll think, like I did immediately before starting to type this, that it would be nice for someone to just come do life for me for a little while until my real life starts. 

August 11; Sunrise at Trail West Lodge in Buena Vista, CO

And then I get into the whole this-is-real-life/you-write-a-blog-about-embracing-life-how-can-you-say-you-don't-want-to? kinda thing. Which makes me even more tired, but it does make me step back and think: Why are you tired? (I stayed up late and watched a movie/played games on my phone. Also, I cleaned, did homework, went to a full day of school) What can you do to change that? (Go to sleep earlier/no TV at bedtime/no phone at bedtime. Have better time management skills so I don't have to do all of that on one day) Are you thankful for what makes you tired? (For my phone and TV, sure. For getting a wonderful education at a great university? Absolutely!) Does what makes you tired glorify God? (Watching TV and playing on my phone, not so much. My career will someday glorify God because I'll be helping people...) Are you embracing feeling tired? (I let myself fall into it and go to sleep :P )

July 25; the Continental Divide

That second-to-last question really gets to me. Does X activity glorify God? And my answer of "it will in the future," bothers me a little bit. And I know in my head that I should be able to glorify God right now, not in the future where I'm out of school and have everything figured out (which would never happen anyway). That's what's really making me feel like I'm living outside my body; like I'm watching everything that I do, rather than actually partaking in it. I am so focused on the future and just getting to where I want to go that it makes it hard to be present today and live for today. And again, I know that in my head-I'm just having trouble taking that thought process and solving the issue. How do you transfer that idea from just an idea to actually feeling present and alert to what is happening right now?

March 30; Anadarko, OK sunset while at Phi Lamb retreat

I have noticed that the times when I am most susceptible to feeling like this is when I'm tired or bored. If I am fully awake (rarely happens), if I am doing something I really enjoy (a few times a week), or if I am with someone I really want to be around at that moment (rare, but not exceptionally) I don't really experience the out-of-body thing. I guess I'm just going to have to make sure to like everything that I'm doing and everyone that I'm with while I'm doing it!

March 17; View from the plane from Charlotte, NC to Orlando, FL

Other than that, the best thing that I can do for this right now is to continue to remind myself that I'm not in the future yet, and that I shouldn't wish time away. Every time I catch myself thinking that I can't wait for something to happen in the future or like I'm living outside my body, I take a moment to breath, close my eyes, and appreciate what is currently around me. Taking that moment of silence to gather myself really helps me focus on whatever I'm meant to be working on and be thankful for being tired; it allows me to take pleasure in the little things and try to soak up this last year of college till I'm the fullest sponge out there. I don't want to forget a second of this precious time in my life, and the best way to ensure the memories is to feel like I'm actually a part of them.

Not sure what date, but it was August; Rainbow from the deck of the Rayburn Room at Trail West

 Now would anyone like to go grocery shopping for me? 

No? Just leave a comment then :] I'd love to hear your input on this!

http://pinterest.com/lalala__lauren/life/