AtZ loves Oklahoma

I always pictured myself living in Texas for the rest of my life. I thought I'd go to college in Texas, get a job in Texas, get married in Texas, raise my kids in Texas, retire to Texas. I never imagined myself ending up in Oklahoma for any amount of time. You know how people talk about Arkansas like it's this incestuous, hillbilly, crazy-filled state? Texans kinda feel that way about Oklahoma, also, if they haven't lived there; haven't met the people there. And then I did both of those things. And it has changed me.

Oklahoma is where I learned to appreciate life. It's where I decided to live zealously and pursue happiness in all things. Oklahomans became my family. I relied on them when I was sad, happy, broken, homesick, needed to share my life with someone. Oklahoma was my home for the past 4 years of my life. This state and its people have forever ingrained itself into me; it's a part of who I am.

A part of who I am was torn apart yesterday. It is leveled. It is littered. It is dead. I know there are people who are grieving, feeling like there can be no reason to continue pursuing life. It would be easy to give up on trying to find joy in all of the destruction.

But, part of my thoughts on being zealous includes the pursuit to feel fully. It can be terrible, and it can be destructive if there is a lack of a support system, but fully feeling this grief and this hurt is what is going to make me remember to fully feel and experience the joy that life has to offer. I will remember the lives lost, and honor that by living my life as hard as I can; by being passionate and zealous to continue experiencing all that this beautiful life have to offer.

A part of who I am was brought together yesterday, as it has had to do far too many times in the past. This state knows pain, but it also knows support, love, and faith. If there was ever a state who could handle trauma, it's Oklahoma. It is strong. It is healing. It is alive.



All my love, prayers, and support go to my home away from home. Thanks for letting me be one of you for the past four years. I wouldn't have it any other way.

How not to check the mail six times a day

Take a break! In beautiful spring weather!

In my last post I discussed all the waiting I'm doing right now and how stressful that can be. And how hard it can be to look on the bright side of it, as I so often try to do. A couple days ago, though, my sister brought in the mail and I realized that I don't have to worry about it. For a whole week I don't have to worry about what I'm going to find in my mailbox! It was such a relief when I figured this out.

For the whole past week, I've been complaining to Boyfriend about how awful my spring break was going to be. His was the week before mine - as were the spring breaks of all my friends from high school. I literally had 43 hours to spend with my best friends and Boyfriend before they had to leave to go back to school. It is really nice to know that I'm out of school right now, and other people had to go back after their break, but I would much rather have been able to make beach plans with all my friends than be able to brag that I'm not in school, but they are, and when I go back, I have 5 weeks and then finals before I graduate. They have a bit more than that. At least a week more.

I was complaining, both inwardly and outwardly, about this, until Saturday. And now I am thrilled to have a week where I can not do anything, not have to try to make sure that everyone around me is entertained, and best of all, NOT CHECK THE MAIL SIX TIMES A DAY!!!!

I have a feeling that all three of my letters from grad schools will be waiting for me when I arrive back in Stillwater, USA, but for now, I'm not going to worry about it at all. I can enjoy the last spring break of my undergrad relaxing and having some me time without angsting out about what I'm going to be doing in 6 weeks. Or in the fall. Even if most of the day is spent hearing screaming babies. I can handle that.

Here's to #SB2K13! I hope you had, are having, or will have a great one! :]