You can do anything, but not everything

I'm the kind of person who likes to change my wallpaper on my phone and on my computer very frequently. I change it for different holidays, when seasons change, and just when I feel like it.

Recently I discovered Design Love Fest and the awesome Dress Your Tech posts Bri has. If you're anything like me (girly, modern-ish, glass-half-full) and like to change your backgrounds often, your search for the perfect design blog to find backgrounds is over. I seriously downloaded probably half of the images she has in the Dress Your Tech series. I am not kidding.

I don't have my phone set to use the iCloud at all, so I wasn't able to use one of the awesome new backgrounds on my phone until just a few days ago when I finally plugged it into my computer. And then I didn't even think about changing the background until today. As I was looking through all my new downloads I saw this gem.

Dress Your Tech 31

I have had a very stressful week (just ask my face and her awesome breakout) and seeing this made me just take a breath and remind myself that "I can do this!" "This" being getting a project done for my Techniques of Counseling class, and even more-so, passing the TExES exam to become a certified early childhood-6th grade teacher. I signed up for my test on the ETS website about a month ago, but didn't find good study material until this Monday and my test is tomorrow (Friday). In order to get all my studying done, I've had to commandeer the living room in such a way that Thomas has had to wear headphones almost constantly or just leave to go to a friends house (because I cannot study with noise around me). I feel pretty good about it now since I took over the house all day Tuesday and Wednesday. I still have Mount Vesuvius on my cheek, though.

Besides feeling like spring break came way too late in the semester, leaving me no time to get everything done before my finals on April 21st and 24th, I also have recently been remembering this time last year. I was still anxiously awaiting letters from grad schools that I knew I wouldn't get into and was a little lost. I soon found the school counseling program at LCU and became infatuated. I got into school here in Lubbock and settled into my new future. I was adamant with anyone that asked that I was okay with the fact that I would no longer be doing speech pathology (something I'd wanted to do for 10 years before changing course). Now that I am reminiscing on what was going on last spring, though, I am kind of mourning the future I could have had if I had gotten into a speech pathology grad program. I really love my counseling classes, and am very eager to begin my career as a school counselor, but I also miss that I was going to wear scrubs every day and that I was going to help kids' speech and language every day, specifically working with kids on the spectrum or with hearing loss. I still think communication is amazing and I love learning about it, but I can't do everything. I can't be a counselor and a speech therapist. And I'm learning to be truly okay with that. 

How not to check the mail six times a day

Take a break! In beautiful spring weather!

In my last post I discussed all the waiting I'm doing right now and how stressful that can be. And how hard it can be to look on the bright side of it, as I so often try to do. A couple days ago, though, my sister brought in the mail and I realized that I don't have to worry about it. For a whole week I don't have to worry about what I'm going to find in my mailbox! It was such a relief when I figured this out.

For the whole past week, I've been complaining to Boyfriend about how awful my spring break was going to be. His was the week before mine - as were the spring breaks of all my friends from high school. I literally had 43 hours to spend with my best friends and Boyfriend before they had to leave to go back to school. It is really nice to know that I'm out of school right now, and other people had to go back after their break, but I would much rather have been able to make beach plans with all my friends than be able to brag that I'm not in school, but they are, and when I go back, I have 5 weeks and then finals before I graduate. They have a bit more than that. At least a week more.

I was complaining, both inwardly and outwardly, about this, until Saturday. And now I am thrilled to have a week where I can not do anything, not have to try to make sure that everyone around me is entertained, and best of all, NOT CHECK THE MAIL SIX TIMES A DAY!!!!

I have a feeling that all three of my letters from grad schools will be waiting for me when I arrive back in Stillwater, USA, but for now, I'm not going to worry about it at all. I can enjoy the last spring break of my undergrad relaxing and having some me time without angsting out about what I'm going to be doing in 6 weeks. Or in the fall. Even if most of the day is spent hearing screaming babies. I can handle that.

Here's to #SB2K13! I hope you had, are having, or will have a great one! :]

On optimism and waiting

By the beginning of February, I had finished and submitted all of my graduate school applications. I was pretty pleased with myself for getting it done, but now came the time of waiting.

I literally check the mail upwards of three times a day. I open the mailbox frequently to see an empty, metal box. Sometimes I open it to retrieve one envelope - a bill most times. It is never an acceptance (or rejection) letter.

I just want to knoooowww!

I am trying to remain optimistic. I remind myself that I only have a little bit of time left in my undergrad so that I am conscious of making memories in the last two months.

And then I think "only 53 days until I graduate?!" I can't believe that these past four years are coming to an end. It's crazy. I feel like I haven't even been here for a year. I could swear my parents left me here at school only last September. And I want more time in this place.

At the same time, though, I'm ready to be done with this chapter of my life. I'm ready to start studying only things pertaining to my future career and be with like-minded people. I'm ready to learn how to do what I want to do with my life and start applying that knowledge to clients.

I'm ready to start showing people I care about them, and seeking them out with zeal, by helping them communicate. As one of the most important things we, as humans, can do, the ability to share ideas has to be in each of us, and I feel so passionately about giving someone the power that words can hold. I'm just ready to get started.

But for now, I must wait. And see that this part of my life is happening for a reason, too - without it, I wouldn't be able to move on to the next part.

As much as I hate all this waiting, I try to enjoy the fact that not knowing, means not stressing about my future if I don't get in anywhere. It means another day of looking forward to a bright future. Less time spent worried about the student loans that I'm going to have to take out.

And I enjoy thinking for just a moment that I am not going to have to leave this place that I've begun to think of as home. That I won't have to leave my friends behind, just wishing them luck with their senior, junior, and sophomore years of college.

I am going to cry like a baby come May 4. At least I can have people telling me "may the fourth (force) be with you" to keep me strong come graduation.