You can do anything, but not everything

I'm the kind of person who likes to change my wallpaper on my phone and on my computer very frequently. I change it for different holidays, when seasons change, and just when I feel like it.

Recently I discovered Design Love Fest and the awesome Dress Your Tech posts Bri has. If you're anything like me (girly, modern-ish, glass-half-full) and like to change your backgrounds often, your search for the perfect design blog to find backgrounds is over. I seriously downloaded probably half of the images she has in the Dress Your Tech series. I am not kidding.

I don't have my phone set to use the iCloud at all, so I wasn't able to use one of the awesome new backgrounds on my phone until just a few days ago when I finally plugged it into my computer. And then I didn't even think about changing the background until today. As I was looking through all my new downloads I saw this gem.

Dress Your Tech 31

I have had a very stressful week (just ask my face and her awesome breakout) and seeing this made me just take a breath and remind myself that "I can do this!" "This" being getting a project done for my Techniques of Counseling class, and even more-so, passing the TExES exam to become a certified early childhood-6th grade teacher. I signed up for my test on the ETS website about a month ago, but didn't find good study material until this Monday and my test is tomorrow (Friday). In order to get all my studying done, I've had to commandeer the living room in such a way that Thomas has had to wear headphones almost constantly or just leave to go to a friends house (because I cannot study with noise around me). I feel pretty good about it now since I took over the house all day Tuesday and Wednesday. I still have Mount Vesuvius on my cheek, though.

Besides feeling like spring break came way too late in the semester, leaving me no time to get everything done before my finals on April 21st and 24th, I also have recently been remembering this time last year. I was still anxiously awaiting letters from grad schools that I knew I wouldn't get into and was a little lost. I soon found the school counseling program at LCU and became infatuated. I got into school here in Lubbock and settled into my new future. I was adamant with anyone that asked that I was okay with the fact that I would no longer be doing speech pathology (something I'd wanted to do for 10 years before changing course). Now that I am reminiscing on what was going on last spring, though, I am kind of mourning the future I could have had if I had gotten into a speech pathology grad program. I really love my counseling classes, and am very eager to begin my career as a school counselor, but I also miss that I was going to wear scrubs every day and that I was going to help kids' speech and language every day, specifically working with kids on the spectrum or with hearing loss. I still think communication is amazing and I love learning about it, but I can't do everything. I can't be a counselor and a speech therapist. And I'm learning to be truly okay with that. 

Peter Pan, Wendy, and Angela Montenegro

It's been a long long while since I wrote anything down here, but I am having a hard time forgetting a Peter Pan quote recently and thought I would put some words down about it here. If you have ever read the book by J. M. Barrie, you know that Disney followed it pretty well and that it really is a great coming-of-age story for anyone who is in the process of realizing that they don't get to be a little kid forever.



There are many memorable lines from the story, but my favorite passage has to be the first paragraph:

All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they must grow up and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, "Oh, why can't you remain like this forever!" This is all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end.

It is a great lead-in for a book. It tells you that Wendy is going to have to learn to grow up before the end of the story, but it also tells you that there will be a character who does not ever learn to grow up. It's somewhat mysterious if someone has never heard the story of Peter Pan before.



Besides this quote, there is also the whole idea of the story to keep in mind - everyone must grow up, but the memories we make as children can stay with us forever, and we should never forget our childlike innocence. Knowing how much of a jerk the character of Peter is also really helps reinforce the idea that people want to grow up, because no one wants to end up like Peter. He is very selfish and doesn't even remember ever having a mother! I don't know about you, but I love my mom to pieces and I would never give up that relationship, even if it meant never having to grow up. Wendy understands this (as well as the "don't forget your childhood" thing I mentioned earlier) and allows her children to fly off to Neverland with Peter when the time comes, but she has taught and loved her children well so that they want to come back home every time they fly off. They, too, grow up.

So this quote is scrolling through my mind frequently and then Boyfriend and I were watching an old episode of Bones last night. In it, Angela Montenegro, the artist of the group, is broken up with by her girlfriend Roxie because she needs someone to plan a future with, whereas Angela really loves to live in the moment. A lot of times, this blog is all about living in the moment, so at first I'm with Angela asking "what's wrong with living in the moment?" And Hodgins (the "bugs and slime" character) leads Angela to the answer: part of being in relationships with people (platonic and romantic), is planning for the future. The present cannot be as sweet without the promise of more to come. For Peter Pan, he does not look toward the future, but lives in the moment completely and life is just not as sweet for him. He has to make chaos frequently to get any enjoyment out of life. When something doesn't go his way, he gets irrationally upset banishing people (and pixies!) and isolating himself. The children who grow up, though, know that there are always new adventures in life and look forward to the newness of them and facing them when they are ready, oftentimes with people they love.

I kind of feel this way about living with zeal, too. It is important to live in the moment and truly experience everything that's happening, but looking forward to the future is okay, too! And planning for the future zealously can be just as rewarding as experiencing the now.  There's always something to look forward to, and though there are times when it is tough to see, knowing there's a silver lining full of new adventures to come can be just what I need to get through the tough times.

AtZ loves Oklahoma

I always pictured myself living in Texas for the rest of my life. I thought I'd go to college in Texas, get a job in Texas, get married in Texas, raise my kids in Texas, retire to Texas. I never imagined myself ending up in Oklahoma for any amount of time. You know how people talk about Arkansas like it's this incestuous, hillbilly, crazy-filled state? Texans kinda feel that way about Oklahoma, also, if they haven't lived there; haven't met the people there. And then I did both of those things. And it has changed me.

Oklahoma is where I learned to appreciate life. It's where I decided to live zealously and pursue happiness in all things. Oklahomans became my family. I relied on them when I was sad, happy, broken, homesick, needed to share my life with someone. Oklahoma was my home for the past 4 years of my life. This state and its people have forever ingrained itself into me; it's a part of who I am.

A part of who I am was torn apart yesterday. It is leveled. It is littered. It is dead. I know there are people who are grieving, feeling like there can be no reason to continue pursuing life. It would be easy to give up on trying to find joy in all of the destruction.

But, part of my thoughts on being zealous includes the pursuit to feel fully. It can be terrible, and it can be destructive if there is a lack of a support system, but fully feeling this grief and this hurt is what is going to make me remember to fully feel and experience the joy that life has to offer. I will remember the lives lost, and honor that by living my life as hard as I can; by being passionate and zealous to continue experiencing all that this beautiful life have to offer.

A part of who I am was brought together yesterday, as it has had to do far too many times in the past. This state knows pain, but it also knows support, love, and faith. If there was ever a state who could handle trauma, it's Oklahoma. It is strong. It is healing. It is alive.



All my love, prayers, and support go to my home away from home. Thanks for letting me be one of you for the past four years. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Prayers are Liquid Luck

"Don't forget that you are not going through your sorrow alone. God is there. He hears you. He knows what you are facing day in and day out. He WILL bring you joy and you will rejoice! NO ONE can rob you of the pure joy that God can and will bring. Amen!"

A friend of mine on facebook posted this this morning after posting this verse:

     "So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy."

John 16:22

and I immediately felt like I needed to say something about it.

I am of the persuasion that God doesn't interact with us on a day-to-day basis. Don't get me wrong, I believe He hears our prayers and does something about them if it's necessary, but I feel like God is a sort of mama bird who has taught us how to fly, and for the most part, He let's us figure things out on our own. Prayers are a sort of self fulfilling prophecy in a way that we pray for what we want, or feel like we need, and then praying gives us the confidence that God is going to do something about it, when in reality, we make it happen ourselves.

It's like Ron Weasley and the Liquid Luck in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Harry tricks Ron into thinking he's had some of the potion, so Ron feels like he can do anything and wins the Quidditch match for Gryffindor, when in actuality, Ron makes that happen all with his own skills.

Prayers are Liquid Luck.

Now, back to the verse and the comment my friend made about it.

We are not going through our sorrow alone. . . because God has provided friends for us to lean on.
God is there; He does hear you.
He is omnipresent, so yeah, He knows what you face daily.
This is where we disagree, though. I don't believe that God reaches down and removes you from the hard situation; nor does He come down and whisper encouragement in your ear. But, God did come down as a human and subsequently die for us. Remembering that someone so powerful loves me so much is what gives me the strength to get through tough times (strength=confidence, God's love [and praying to Him because we believe in that love]=Liquid Luck). And it's what keeps me joyous always. Like this verse, "and no one can rob you of that joy," no situation or person can rob me of the joy I feel because of His love for me. Therefore, it is my daily intention to show God's love and light to others by being joyful in all things; to me, that is how God is with us and supports us on a daily basis - by giving us other people to experience life and share joy with. So that's what I try to do. 
Pray for joy, and it will be "given," and then go and zealously seek out others to share that joy with.

How not to check the mail six times a day

Take a break! In beautiful spring weather!

In my last post I discussed all the waiting I'm doing right now and how stressful that can be. And how hard it can be to look on the bright side of it, as I so often try to do. A couple days ago, though, my sister brought in the mail and I realized that I don't have to worry about it. For a whole week I don't have to worry about what I'm going to find in my mailbox! It was such a relief when I figured this out.

For the whole past week, I've been complaining to Boyfriend about how awful my spring break was going to be. His was the week before mine - as were the spring breaks of all my friends from high school. I literally had 43 hours to spend with my best friends and Boyfriend before they had to leave to go back to school. It is really nice to know that I'm out of school right now, and other people had to go back after their break, but I would much rather have been able to make beach plans with all my friends than be able to brag that I'm not in school, but they are, and when I go back, I have 5 weeks and then finals before I graduate. They have a bit more than that. At least a week more.

I was complaining, both inwardly and outwardly, about this, until Saturday. And now I am thrilled to have a week where I can not do anything, not have to try to make sure that everyone around me is entertained, and best of all, NOT CHECK THE MAIL SIX TIMES A DAY!!!!

I have a feeling that all three of my letters from grad schools will be waiting for me when I arrive back in Stillwater, USA, but for now, I'm not going to worry about it at all. I can enjoy the last spring break of my undergrad relaxing and having some me time without angsting out about what I'm going to be doing in 6 weeks. Or in the fall. Even if most of the day is spent hearing screaming babies. I can handle that.

Here's to #SB2K13! I hope you had, are having, or will have a great one! :]

On optimism and waiting

By the beginning of February, I had finished and submitted all of my graduate school applications. I was pretty pleased with myself for getting it done, but now came the time of waiting.

I literally check the mail upwards of three times a day. I open the mailbox frequently to see an empty, metal box. Sometimes I open it to retrieve one envelope - a bill most times. It is never an acceptance (or rejection) letter.

I just want to knoooowww!

I am trying to remain optimistic. I remind myself that I only have a little bit of time left in my undergrad so that I am conscious of making memories in the last two months.

And then I think "only 53 days until I graduate?!" I can't believe that these past four years are coming to an end. It's crazy. I feel like I haven't even been here for a year. I could swear my parents left me here at school only last September. And I want more time in this place.

At the same time, though, I'm ready to be done with this chapter of my life. I'm ready to start studying only things pertaining to my future career and be with like-minded people. I'm ready to learn how to do what I want to do with my life and start applying that knowledge to clients.

I'm ready to start showing people I care about them, and seeking them out with zeal, by helping them communicate. As one of the most important things we, as humans, can do, the ability to share ideas has to be in each of us, and I feel so passionately about giving someone the power that words can hold. I'm just ready to get started.

But for now, I must wait. And see that this part of my life is happening for a reason, too - without it, I wouldn't be able to move on to the next part.

As much as I hate all this waiting, I try to enjoy the fact that not knowing, means not stressing about my future if I don't get in anywhere. It means another day of looking forward to a bright future. Less time spent worried about the student loans that I'm going to have to take out.

And I enjoy thinking for just a moment that I am not going to have to leave this place that I've begun to think of as home. That I won't have to leave my friends behind, just wishing them luck with their senior, junior, and sophomore years of college.

I am going to cry like a baby come May 4. At least I can have people telling me "may the fourth (force) be with you" to keep me strong come graduation.

Love and Other Drugs

Today, I stumbled upon an article that I found to be really interesting. Though the headline is a little harsh ("There's no such thing as everlasting love..."), the premise of the research the article is relaying is completely understandable and valid. Scientific love is a "micro-moment of positivity resonance" rather than long lasting emotions. I was just yesterday explaining the neurotransmitter oxytocin to my boyfriend in a similar manner - that it's the "love and cuddle" hormone and is released when you have an emotional connection to someone; anyone.

I think the best part of the article is the fact that this research is being done to dispel the current cultural "love myth." From the article,

"Part of Frederickson's project is to lower cultural expectations about love--expectations that are so misguidedly high today that they have inflated love into something that it isn't, and into something that no sane person could actually experience"

This research is doing something wonderful by showing us that love doesn't have to be romantic, familial, or even friendly; you can love any person you pass on the sidewalk going to class or sit next to on the bus. Making an emotional connection with someone through something as simple as saying "bless you" when a stranger sneezes or just making eye contact with someone can cause the oxytocin levels in both of you to raise in sync and in turn make your body better at having more of these little moments, which helps your long-term health!

Ah! It's just awesome that there's real research to prove that my goals of sharing life with everyone and loving people all the time are valid goals that most people should set for their own health benefits. I'm not saying to go love on someone for your own selfish gain, but it's nice to know that you're getting something out of it too. And to know that I am legitimately helping other people experience love is a wonderful reward!
I think the author of the article put it best when she writes,

"Lonely people who are looking for love are making a mistake if they are sitting around and waiting for love in the form of the 'love myth' to take hold of them. If they instead sought out love in little moments of connection that we all experience many times a day, perhaps their loneliness would begin to subside."

I just think it's a beautiful sentiment and a great reminder to take advantage of those moments; to seek them out zealously and make someone's day by doing so - and lower both participants' "risk of inflammation, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and stroke!"

Take the time to make the little things count in this season of love.

Um, Wow!

Guys. I'm a second-semester senior. In college. When in the world did this happen?! Yesterday, I drove down to Edmond for a Silent Breakfast at a Panera Bread there. One of the middle schools in the city has a pretty new ASL Club whose teacher/sponsor/leader is a friend from OSU ASL, and she brought her students to breakfast as their first ever Silent Event. Talking to them made me remember what I was like as a 6th, 7th, and 8th grader. One of the 6th grade girls was half as old as I am-literally. She's 11! I just am amazed at how far I've come and how far they still have to go in their lives. It's humbling and absolutely incredible.

Remembering that I was once very similar to those young girls, taking everything personally and trying so hard to fit in, I wished that I had always thought the way that I do now - that every day should be filled with joy, and love, and not taken for granted; that you shouldn't sweat the small stuff; that it does get better, and the things that seem like big things now will be miniscule hilarities to look back on when you get older. I have truly reread note passed between friends and I form when I was 13 and 14 and shook my head and laughed at how utterly ridiculous we are as teenagers.

But you don't feel ridiculous when it's happening. And I guess that's part of the growing up process is going through that time of feeling like all eyes are constantly on you; working to fit in and then realizing as you get older that it just doesn't matter that much - that you're a good person, and people should get to know you in order to see that instead of judging based off of your clothes, or hair, or interests. I kind of feel bad for what these girls will soon be going through as high schoolers, learning the tough lessons of finding true friendship, heartache, anxiety for getting into college, knowing what they want to do with their lives, and pleasing their friends, teachers, and parents with all of those choices. It's making my heart beat faster just typing about it, and I've already lived through it!

It just reminds me to be thankful that I never experienced anything incredibly terrible while I was a teenager, and makes me want to think of them and pray for them to learn what I have in the easiest way possible, rather than a tough and painful way. And maybe share through actions that life is best served with a smile, shared with a friend, and never taken for granted.

Unconditional Love: Thoughts While Taking a Study Break

As a study break today, I went through Netflix and stumbled upon a section of bridal shows. One called Bridalplasty, which I'd seen a couple episodes of before, was on there and I thought, 'why not watch a trashy show for this break?' Oh my gosh, y'all. This is worse than shows like Teen Mom and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. The premise of this show is for 12 engaged women to compete for plastic surgeries leading up to their wedding. The winner gets a full-body makeover and a celebrity style wedding and honeymoon; said wedding is the first time that the fiance will see his new, plastic bride.

Watching this show is just so eye-opening to how great my parents are. I have grown up knowing that not only am I beautiful, but I am worth more than looks. Perhaps other people would disagree with me thinking I'm attractive, but at least I was given the ability to have that confidence in myself. These women apparently did not get that opportunity...

And then I was thinking, what if someone is pretty, but not so smart or talented elsewhere? Or what if they're really smart, but aren't necessarily attractive? So I realized, it's one of those issues where if you say one thing is good, it demeans all the other things. And really, neither of those things are important. It is great if you have a good brain and/or good looks, but I think the most important thing is to just love other people. If you love someone and make them feel worth it, then it doesn't matter what else they can do.

Loving unconditionally is definitely part of living zealously. Enthusiastically seek out people to love, and care about them for who they are right now, not what they can do for you or who they have been or will become. Love them simply because they exist and make sure that everyone you meet knows that they are worth it and that they don't need to go to the extremes that the women on this show are going to just to feel good about themselves. No one should have to have surgery in order to feel like they can face the world--if you love them anyway, if they are not conventionally attractive or not very book-smart, and you love them anyway, then they will be facing the world confidently, and with a confidant by their side.

If you need a person to do that for you, tell me, and I will legitimately give you the encouragement that you need every day. And if no one asks for it, then random people are going to be getting those encouraging words anyway, and I challenge you to do the same. Especially in this holiday season of giving, I would urge you to give out at least three uplifting comments everyday until the new year (and maybe continue doing so after that :] ). Not just physical compliments on clothes and such either, but also encouragement in people's studies during finals or doing a random act of kindness by helping someone pay for Christmas dinner. There are so many easy ways to lift people up and let them know that you care about them and they matter, so go and zealously seek out those opportunities!

What amazing realizations from watching this crazy show. Thanks Netflix!

October

The first week of this month I was pretty focused on the fact that Thursday was the 4th. I got into my first serious relationship October 4, 2008. The very next day, my parents and I drove to Oklahoma to visit OSU for the first time. It didn't seem like such a big deal then, but looking back, if those two days were any different, my whole life right now would probably be completely altered.

Phi Mu/PIKE house dec at the greatest homecoming in the nation!

Somehow, in my crazy thought process, that gets me to living zealously. If you don't live zealously, enthusiastically, eagerly, how are you going to experience any life-altering events? If I wasn't eager to start a relationship or enthusiastic about continuing my education, it's possible that neither of the events of that October would have happened. I probably wouldn't have ended up at Oklahoma State. If I wasn't at OSU, I wouldn't have met all the amazing people here-I may have met other amazing people, but not the ones here that have become so important to me and served such a great purpose in my life. I may have gotten into a relationship, but it's doubtful it would have been very important to me. If I hadn't begun a serious relationship, I would not have ended said relationship last winter and wouldn't have had the crazy (for me) semester that I did this past spring. If that semester hadn't happened, I truly don't think that I could've been happy to be in a relationship right now. I wouldn't have had those experiences that I realized I was missing from my life during my past relationship.

At a bonfire near Yale, OK after the hoco game. I got to play a congo!

I think that if I had been unenthusiastic and very lackadaisical (I thought it was "laxadaisical,". . . Whatevs) about deciding where to go to school, I probably wouldn't have gone out of state, possibly not even out of the city I graduated high school in; I definitely wouldn't have been doing as well as I have in school. That would cause me to not get into grad school, which in turn would keep me from getting into the career that I want.

Edmon Low Library at Oklahoma State University

Guys, there are so many things that can go wrong and make your life different. I don't think that it could be like the Butterfly Effect-the cereal I decide to eat isn't going to change my entire life, but pretty much any decision that is bigger than that can change the course of everything.

Two very dear friends and I at last year's Bedlam game.

Be intentional with your daily life and be earnest in seeking the things that you are passionate about. If you aren't actively searching for those things, you will not get them. This is my sophisticated form of YOLO. You really do only live once-make it count.

Here's to many new Octobers and moments to make it count.

Why be Zealous?

After typing that title, I definitely said (in my head) "why so serious?" like the Joker from Batman. Oh Heath Ledger-you are missed. Which actually segueys quite nicely into what I actually wanted to talk about! Good job, brain!

Yesterday morning, at 7:50, a gunshot was heard through the hallways of Stillwater Junior High (8th and 9th graders). A 13-year-old boy, Cade Poulos, killed himself in the middle of his school, witnessed by many of his classmates. 

As far as I know, there hasn't been a note found or anything like that, but I think it's still safe to say that this boy needed love. That's one of the main things I see in living zealously. It's not about being happy all the time, but knowing that there's hope when things look bleak and to be joyful in the fact that Jesus died to let you experience those feelings of despair. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full," John 10:10. "To the full" doesn't mean getting every little thing you ask for or living luxuriously-it's using the physical body you have to feel every emotion possible and experience all the things you can on this earth, and finding great joy in that. In this joy, you show people the love of Christ-his perfect, unfailing, unconditional love. You prove that even in the worst of times, you have something greater-you are not of this world because you are of the spirit. That can provide such hope to people who need it.

A facebook page was made to remember and honor Cade's life, and in reading it, I saw that a couple people did say that he took the easy/coward's way out. The truth is, when you feel despair, if you have no faith to fall back on, death definitely can feel like the only way out of whatever situation you are facing. The fact that this child felt so downhearted that he couldn't see the light anywhere just tells me that a lot more people need to be more eager in experiencing life to the full and sharing that idea with others. Find the silver lining. Look for the lesson your hardship can teach you. Love each other. Be kind. Share life. To the full. 

That's my challenge for you in the next few days/weeks/months. The holiday season seems like a perfect time for this, no? Even as the seasons change from bright and green spring and summer, to the colder, darker fall and winter, be a light. Bring warmth with you everywhere in the form of joy because He is sufficient and He makes you enough and He loves you even when you think that no one could. Take that and use it to give you strength to fully experience the abundant opportunities you have in your short time here.

xoxo

http://newsok.com/school-shooting-leaves-stillwater-stunned/article/3713260

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/police-student-shoots-oklahoma-junior-high-article-1.1168606

http://www.examiner.com/article/tragedy-strikes-stillwater-oklahoma-as-student-commits-suicide-at-school
https://www.facebook.com/pages/RIP-Cade-Poulos/469037129803626

P.S. I didn't know until finding those articles to show you just now that he was dressed up as Two Face from Batman for a spirit week the school was having. That makes my comment at the beginning of this post kind of creepy. I'm not enjoying that I unknowingly did that. Weird. 

Hello, my name is. . .

Lauren! From  PS I Craft :]
By making PSIC, I thought I was going to start crafting more because I'd want to post what I made, but that's not what happened. I never could come up with anything cool to post, and then I'd just feel bad for having it, but not posting. It's not as gratifying for me to make something because I need to post. I love having the ability to want to make something and just dive in and go for it, without having to think about the steps I'm taking or finding a background for pictures.

Anyway, I've realized that while I'm in school, I'm not going to be able to craft very much. Plus I really don't think I'm that great at it-and won't have the time to practice until I don't have homework due and tests to study for.
I think that when you have a blog, or any public space to express yourself, you need to be passionate about it/your message, or it won't be honest. One of my biggest passions is just to share life with people; I can't do that properly if I'm worried about making sure I have all the steps of a craft photographed and that everything is perfect for publication. Life doesn't have to be perfect, it can be hard, or easy, happy or sad or angry, stressful, or carefree-and that's why it's so perfect to write about. I believe wholeheartedly that we were put on this earth to experience it to the fullest, so I attend life eagerly and look forward to feeling every part of life-the happy, sad, and angry, the stress and the ease. I cry when I need to, sometimes when I don't; I laugh when it's called for, and often when it's not. I'm excited to try new things, and shake it off when I don't enjoy them, even though I really wanted to. I know that every cloud has a silver lining, and that within each hard shell, there's a pearl to make it beautiful. So that's why I'm here-to share all of that with you.

"She attended life with her accustomed zeal."
Thanks Curly Girl for the title of my blog :]